Max and Joe

"Joe and Max Curry could not have been more different. Joe played sports relentlessly growing up, and was incredibly talented; Max played football once, resulting in a black eye and a bruised ego. Max was an eloquent speaker and a smooth talker; Joe fainted when speaking to 5 or more people and tended to freeze around women; Joe spent most of his weekends partying it up and procrastinating on his homework; Max spent his weekends reading Shakespeare and prepping for next class. Yes, Joe and Max Curry were as different as night and day. But they were inseparable.

When Joseph Aaron Curry was born, his mother was crying tears of joy. She was also crying tears of excruciating pain after passing a 10 pound child out of her uterus. The labor had lasted over 24 hours; during that time, she had cried, screamed, and sent her husband to another operating room with a possible fractured hand.

As a baby, Little Joe was quiet and amicable. He never seemed to cry, and he rarely threw a fit. If another baby wanted to borrow a toy, he was happy to oblige; if he wanted milk but got water, he was satisfied. Joe genuinely seemed to take everything in stride, even when a 4-year old down the street depantsed him at the age of 2; rather than run away crying, Joe sported the new look proudly, as if it were his intention to show the world his Power Rangers training pants. Joe was an easygoing child. That is, until Max showed up.

Max was born 2 years after Joe at the same hospital. This time, it was their father who was crying (not because he was sentimental; during the delivery, a nurse accidentally broke his nose with an elbow to the face). Max only weighed 8 pounds, a lightweight compared to his older brother.

Joe was at the hospital in the waiting room with Grandma Curry. Every family has 2 completely different sets of grandparents; in the case of Max and Joe, Grandma Curry was the nice one that gave the children candy and toys. Grandma Appleby was the one giving them, ironically enough, apples while they brushed her 7 cats."

So that is the beginning of a story I am working on just for the fun of it. What do you guys think?

Daily Joke: Courdoroy pillows. They're making headlines!

The Bland-erbury Tales

I think when Chaucer was writing The Canterbury Tales, he must have been just cracking up. The book feels like a huge practical joke: he was probably thinking, "Ha! I will write this book in Middle English, so that after you spend hours translating it, you will realize it literally means nothing! Ha!" In my mind, Chaucer has a cackly voice and a long gray beard and he's writing in a dark cave. Just to give you a visual.

I have been forced to eat fast food the last 2 nights, but by the grace of God I think I will survive that. The Cafe apparently closes at 6:30, and I was napping at the time. It's weird; I haven't been doing very much lately, but I consistently seem tired and exhausted.

I got 12 (count 'em-12) Work and Learn hours this week. For those of you keeping score at home, that's 2 more than I needed this week. This morning, Work and Learn literally consisted of riding around with my boss listening to him rant about his low pay and scarfing down the donut he bought me. Pretty sweet gig, huh?

I'm getting ready to go see an improv show at the Theatre in a few minutes. Should be a lot of fun. The new building for the theater is incredibly huge; I'm pretty sure Lewis and Clark would get lost a few times in there.

Well, I better get going. In case I don't see ya; good evening, good afternoon, and good night!

Daily Joke: A man walks into a bar and hears someone say, "Nice jacket!" He turns to the bartender and says, "Who said that?" The bartender says, "It's the nuts. They're complimentary!"

Citizen Kane: Second Only to James Earl Jones

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you.

That song has been stuck in my head all day.

Anyway, today was relatively uneventful. Watched Citizen Kane in Film class today, and I Kane-'t lie, it was pretty good. I've had that joke for about 3 hours now. Other than that, nothing has happened here at The Wood today.

Watched Lion King with Jimmy last night 'til about 2 am. That is such a classic. I wonder how they make the female lions actually look femine..... And how James Earl Jones hasn't been in every movie ever made. Got another Ellen Page movie today in the mail from Amazon. It's an older one, but it adds to my slightly disturbing collection of Ellen Page movies.

Hydrive is truly the greatest beverage ever created. I'm slightly addicted. I suppose it's better to be addicted to Hydrive than soda. Day 4 with no soda is going pretty well, overall.

Well, I suppose that's all I really have to say. Time for homework.

Daily Joke: You thought I was going to do homework.

Beam Me a Hydrive

Captains Log. Stardate 1-27-2009. The crew has been captured and is being held captive by that fiend that we call "Snow." We have attempted several times to fight this dastardly enemy, but it has thwarted every attack. We attempted to shovel it away. It responded by blowing directly in our faces, causing temporary blindness and irritation. Laying down ice proved ineffective. Snow's one mortal enemy, the Sun, has finally arrived to aid us in our escape. I believe we should be free come sunrise tomorrow. Captain Jason, over and out.

Now tell me that didn't sound like the beginning to the best Star Trek episode ever.

So yeah. I'm kinda stuck here. Not as bad today as it was yesterday, when my car literally could not make it out of the parking lot. Today I actually made it the entire 1/2 mile to the bank and back!!

No classes today 'cause of the snow. Which was bittersweet, because there is not much to do around here as of late, especially when you're snowed in. I did get some Work and Learn hours in. I don't know why they call it Work and Learn: I rarely work and I never learn anything.

School's goin' pretty good. Start off with Philosophy. Talk about a crazy teacher! On the first day, she says to us (and I quote): "Hopefully, this course will enable you to achieve an elevated sense of the nature of mankind, and enable to you to think abstractly about the universe around us." I spent most of this class devising a list of the multiple drugs she could be on.

Then we have English. An entire course on Chaucer, the author of the Canterbury Tales. Now, the teacher is okay, and the reading is difficult but managable. The tough part: a 6000 word paper I have to do by the end of the semester. I'm not sure I know that many words.

Next there is Fundamentals of the Internet, which may as well be renamed Get an A or Drop Out of Life. Monday nights, I have Sociology of Gender Roles. I'm pretty sure my teacher dislikes me for being a guy. Because I'm sure it's MY fault women were oppressed back in the day. Video Production should be a lot of fun. I actually know some of the people in there, and the teacher is also my advisor. So that's not too bad.

I'm on day 3 with no soda. I feel pretty good about myself, although I am experiencing major caffeine withdrawal: I tend to throw something every time I see a soda commercial. I do get a little caffeine through Hydrive energy drinks, which are so delicious, and actually quite healthy for an energy drink.

Other than all that, life continues at LU. Life probably continues everywhere else, too. Got my check from Mom today for $120. Meaning I have $117 to my name (Hydrives + Combos = Heaven on Earth). I guess I should go, this post is getting a little long. Come on back now, ya hear?

Daily Joke: A man walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." The dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why'd you come to the dentist?" The man said, "Because the light was on!"

Shabby Snowmen and Mr. Rogers

Well, here we are, at the start of my first ever blog. I swore up and down I would never do this. But it's snowing here in St. Charles, so.... here we are. I'm new at this whole blogging thing, so I'm not sure how this will go. But join me on the journey, won't you?

I am going to college at LU here in St. Charles, MO, and it is a rather nice college (for the price). I go here practically for free (that's right-read it and weep) and it's not too shabby at all. What a good word. I think I should use that word more often in daily life-shabby. Like, some hot chick would say "Hey, Malcolm, wanna go see a movie?" And I'd be like, "No, that theatre's far too shabby for my taste." 'Cause hot chicks ask me to go see a movie virtually 24/7.

So anyway, I guess I will just type my various ramblings. I just figured out to make things bold on here. And italic. And the combo! Count it! I say that a lot. Count it. If I say something funny or witty, or occasionally both.

I truly am starting to dislike the snow. I enjoy cold weather and all that jazz, but it's almost February (which totally has 1 too many r's). And I tried to build a snowman out there today, but it wouldn't stay up. Stupid snowman. And it's not very good for snowball fights either. Basically, the snow is a worthless freeloader in this house that we call Earth.

Um.....what else can I say? Well, I can say a lot of things. My knowledge of the English language is pretty fluent. But what should I say? I'm watchin' Everybody Loves Raymond currently. It's decently funny. It makes me chortle from time to time.

Well, despite how much fun this post was to write, it, like all good things, must come to an end. Thanks for joining me on this charming little adventure. I certainly hope you had as much fun reading it, as I had writing it. Come back soon! (Yours truly, Mr. Rogers).

Daily Joke: There was once a skeleton who couldn't go to a party. He had no BODY to go with!